


Jack and His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs

by hyperioncourage



Series: Marni's Shitty Borderlands AU's [1]
Category: Borderlands
Genre: Jack is a little brat, Jack is obsessed with those little dinosaur pills that you put into water, M/M, Rhys and Blake are so sick of his shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 22:16:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7731805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyperioncourage/pseuds/hyperioncourage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Handsome Jack is obsessed with those little dinosaur pills that you put into water to create tiny foam dinosaurs, he thinks that they're the best things since sliced bread - don't even try to argue with him or he will throw a big fucking tantrum.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Jack and His Bucket Full Of Dinosaurs

**Author's Note:**

> This whole fic is a total shit-show. Thanks to @hannisgrahamcracker for giving me the idea.  
> Stalk us on tumblr:
> 
> http://hyperioncourage.tumblr.com/  
> http://jackshairytanarms.tumblr.com/

 

Young children on Helios have so many things to choose from when it comes to entertainment, but none of them really knew the immense joy that could come from some tiny, water-activated, foam dinosaurs - because they are never given the chance to play with the more 'out-dated' or 'boring' toys. They are never given the chance to play with anything that wasn't made by Hyperion or that had something to do with technology in some way or other.

_Note to Self: Hyperion should start making foam dinosaur magic growth capsules._

Parents obviously didn't seem to mind, because that was just the norm now. But it would never be the 'norm' to some older, richer, scarier and more childish people on Helios, that person being Handsome Jack. 

Now, he had never had the chance to play with anything that wasn't a stick that he found on the side of the river or his dead cat's, sopping, wet corpse. But now that he had more money than he has common-sense, he could buy and fuck around with whatever he liked, and when he bought things, he bought them in _bulk_.

Handsome Jack liked a lot of things; Rhys, alcohol, sex, money... Honestly, the list goes on. But the only thing that he was completely _obsessed_ with was those magic growth capsules - especially the dinosaur ones. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't have to put them into _water,_ he could put them into anything he liked, and that was exactly what he had been doing. The man had put them into the water-fountain, the fish tank, the toilet and the sea. He had _literally_ dropped them into the ocean. Or maybe it was the fact that he could keep them in his pockets, and grab a handful of them whenever he wanted to unleash some colorful creatures _whenever_ and _wherever_ he so wished.

Rhys had even caught him filling an entire bathtub with them, that was when he took Jack by the shoulders and let him back to bed, seeing as it was one in the goddamn morning. The boy knew that Jack had some, uh, let's say, _issues -_ but he didn't expect them to be as obscure as this.

He liked them so much that they were already a big part of his life, and they had actually become a problem.

Rhys and Blake had started to get a little concerned when the man started walking past desks and dropping them into peoples glasses, and it was only then that they had really noticed his excessive use of them. Rhys had noticed that Jack had been ordering boxes upon boxes every week, and of course he wasn't even bothered in the slightest about how much his little addiction was costing him - he was _Handsome Jack_ , after all... - and that's what made this whole thing even worse.

 _The_ most feared man in the galaxy could _not_ like something this cute and childish, at least that was what Blake kept repeating to both Rhys and Jack, he was certain that something like this could, _and would_ , completely ruin his reputation. Did Blake really think that Jack was going to give his tiny dinosaurs up just so that he could keep his bad reputation? _How silly._

Once, and only once, had Blake tried to throw his dinosaurs away, that was a huge mistake.

Jack stomped his foot, _hard_ , and pointed at the skinny man who was currently holding a glass full of colored foam dinosaurs. Blake wasn't too sure on what Jack was going to do next, but he knew that this whole situation was going to end with his boss throwing a tantrum, and a few people's bodies would be shot into space to rot with the rocks and dust - _hopefully_ it wouldn't be Blake. He watched Jack ball his hands up into fists before he opened his mouth to either yell, or whisper something at Blake. The whispering usually scared him the most.

"Put. Them. _Down_." Jack mouthed as he stared at the man with eyes full of anger and fury. If looks could kill, Blake would have died three times over, and then he would have came back just so that Jack could kill him _again_.

"Sir, I really don't think that this is healthy." Blake answered as he glanced down to look at the foam shapes that were swirling around in the glass of water with a pitiful look,he didn't understand why Jack liked them so much, and he was really considering sending him to get help for this weird obsession.

"I _said_ \--" Handsome Jack continued, his eye twitching slightly as he grabbed a stack of papers from the corner of his desk to fling at the man in his doorway, who as currently questioning him, something that nobody should ever do. You _do not_ question Handsome Jack. That's what he told every single one of his employees, but any of them listen? No, they never fucking listened to anything he had to say. "--put them down!" as those last words left his lips, he threw the paper at Blake, watching him duck as to not be hit with a large handful of files and contracts.

Rhys, who was only standing behind Blake in an attempt to listen to the hilarious tantrum that Jack was throwing, was the unfortunate soul who was hit with the stack of papers due to the fact that Blake had completely moved away from the fire of Handsome Jack's fury. The papers hit him square in the chest, and landed at his feet with a small _'thud'_ as he sighed at the childish act. Kneeling down slightly, Rhys decided to take his sweet time with gathering the papers and organizing them back into a perfect little bundle, while Jack stormed towards Blake to snatch the glass from his hands like a six year old who hadn't grasped the art of sharing.

"Don't ever touch them. They're _mine_." Jack spat furiously just as Rhys stood up to put the papers back into their original place. Blake had started to back away from Jack in fear of being hit, or even killed. He didn't know that the small toys meant so much to Jack, and he would never ever put his hands upon them again if he was going to cause this much of a fuss over them.

"R-right, sorry, Sir." Blake managed as he smoothed his hair down, a few strands had lost their stiffness in all of the ducking and diving that he had to do to avoid Jack's temper - he had learnt that he might as well arm himself with a shield whenever he entered the mans office, just to make sure, just in case anything harder than a shoe was thrown in his general direction - which it always was. 

"Jack, what's your deal? They're just dinosaurs." Rhys asked, rolling his eyes at the man as he watched Jack lift the glass up to his eye-line to stare at the foam creatures as much as he possibly could.

"No, Rhysie, they're not _just dinosaurs_ \--" Jack started as he fished a blue Triceratops out of the glass with his thick index finger. "--they're _my_ dinosaurs." He smiled as he finished his sentence.

Jack was so fucked in the head it was unreal.

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me mother.


End file.
